top of page

Vow Writing Made Simple

So you're getting married (yay!) and have decided to take writing your own vows. I know, I know it can be a daunting task, for some it may be the equivalent to climbing Mount Everest ;), but with this step-by-step guide, you'll have everything you need to write the most perfect vows, and you won’t even have to turn to YouTube. .

Why are wedding vows important? Wedding vows are a significant part of the marriage ceremony that represent the promises and commitments made between partners. They serve as a public declaration of love, trust, and dedication to one another and provide a glimpse into the couple's relationship. Personalized wedding vows have become increasingly popular and give couples the chance to express their unique love story and create an intimate and personalized ceremony.

Traditional vs. personalized wedding vows

Traditionally, wedding vows follow a set format and often include phrases like "to have and to hold," "for better or worse," and "in sickness and in health." These vows have stood the test of time and carry a sense of tradition and familiarity. However, many couples today are opting for personalized vows that reflect their own journey and relationship.

Personalized vows offer the opportunity to infuse your own style, personality, and love story into your promises. They can include anecdotes, inside jokes, and references to shared experiences that make your vows truly unique and meaningful. For example, one of my husband's vows included making my coffee every morning, one I will most definitely never let him forget. HA!   While personalized vows require more effort and thought, they have the potential to create a more emotional and memorable experience for both you and your guests.

bride reading vows

Step 1: Reflecting on your relationship

Before diving into the writing process, take some time to reflect on your relationship. Think about your journey together, the milestones you've reached, and the challenges you've overcome. Consider what makes your relationship special and what you admire most about your partner. This reflection will form the foundation of your vows, allowing you to express your love and appreciation from a place of deep understanding.

As you reflect, jot down any specific memories, qualities, or moments that stand out to you. These will serve as the building blocks for your vows, allowing you to incorporate personal details that will resonate with your partner and make your vows truly unique.

bride and groom at alter

Step 2: Gathering inspiration for your vows

Start by reading examples and watching videos online to help you decide on a style and tone that you may like. Do you like vows that have a religious tone, or vows that are deeply personal?  Or maybe a combination of both?  The possibilities are endless!

Step 3: Setting the tone and structure of your vows

Next, you'll want to sit down with your fiancé and decide how you want the vows to feel.  Do you want them to be funny and silly?  Sweet and romantic?  A combination of both? It's important to discuss in case one of you is more comical and one is more serious. You don't want to feel like one of you put more effort in or didn't take it seriously.

In terms of structure, there are no hard and fast rules. Some couples prefer to write their vows as a back-and-forth dialogue, while others opt for a more traditional monologue format. Consider what feels most natural to you and your partner. Remember, the structure should support the flow of your words and enhance the overall impact of your vows.

groom reading vows

Step 4: Writing your vows

Now grab a piece of paper, and your notes from step 1, and start jotting down things about your partner and your relationship.  This can include stories about how your love story began, how you felt when you first met or the moment you knew you were in love, just to name a few!  The possibilities are endless. Let your thoughts and emotions flow freely onto the page, jot it all down.  I suggest taking it in four parts--Declare your love, tell a story, make your promises and close it out with a final vow.

As you write, aim for a balance between sincerity, authenticity, and clarity. Use specific examples and anecdotes to illustrate your feelings and experiences. Avoid clichés and generic statements. Instead, strive for unique and personal expressions of your love.

Come up with a couple of promises--these are vows after all. These can be super personal like "I promise to always go on long walks with you" or more general things like " I vow to love you unconditionally for the rest of my life." I recommend doing a combination of both, but whatever feels most comfortable for you!

Fun Tip: 

My husband and I like to re-read our vows to each other on every anniversary! It's a sweet way to reaffirm your love and commitment to each other!

Step 5: Rehearsing and practicing your vows

Once you've written your vows, it's crucial to rehearse and practice delivering them. Read your vows out loud several times to get familiar with the flow and pacing. Consider recording yourself and listening back to identify areas where you can improve.

Do you have anything too cryptic or embarrassing?  What about any cliches you stole off the internet that don't really fit the two of you? Remove those items and do your best to keep them for no longer than two minutes. I also suggest practicing several times. You don't have to memorize it word for word, but this will help in making sure you are comfortable with what you are saying.

Practice in front of a mirror or, even better, in front of a trusted friend or family member who can provide feedback. Pay attention to your body language, tone of voice, and overall presence. The more comfortable you become with your vows, the more confidently you'll be able to deliver them on your wedding day.

bride reading vows to groom

Step 6: Delivering your vows on your wedding day

On your wedding day, take a deep breath and embrace the moment. Remember that your vows are a gift to your partner, and the sincerity and love behind your words will shine through. Speak clearly and confidently, allowing yourself to fully experience the emotions of the moment.

If you find yourself getting emotional during the delivery, embrace it. Tears of joy and vulnerability can make your vows even more powerful and moving. Take your time, pause when needed, and allow the words to resonate with both you and your partner.


Crafting your perfect wedding vows is a labor of love that requires thought, reflection, and creativity. Remember to be authentic, sincere, and true to yourselves as you write and deliver your vows. The words you choose will become a cherished part of your wedding ceremony and a lasting testament to your love. So go forth, embrace the process, and create vows that will touch the hearts of all who hear them.


bottom of page